For Christopher...

Once upon a time there was a man who was growing older and grumpier by the day. He had an old dog that was also growing old and grumpy. They would walk around growling at people, especially all of those young people and young dogs.

“Smile you guys,” someone would say and they would both bark and grimace back. Nobody was going to tell them what to do, being grumpy was all they had!

Then one day, after the dog growled at the mailman, the old man brought a package into the house. He scowled at the package and the dog ignored it with a heavy sigh.

“It’s that happy sister of mine, no doubt.” grumbled the man, “Trying to cheer me up or something. Well, it won’t work!”

So he left the package on the kitchen table, unopened, and went about grumbling at things in the house.

He called the plumbing some nasty words while he installed a new pipe. He swore at a wrench which slipped and made one of his knuckles bleed. And he yelled at the dog when the dog yelled at someone else. They were very content in their grumpiness.

Soon it became time to eat and there was that package, blocking the kitchen table. “Stupid package!” thought the man, as if the package had put itself there somehow. He started opening it up because nothing made him madder than having to move packages all around the house.

Inside he found a card and a book and some newspaper that looked like packaging. “A book! Who has time to read? I’ll be lucky if I have the time to read all of these words on the card!” cried the man, exasperated.

The dog growled and the man growled back and they both ate their dinner, slowly making out the words on the card.

“Harumph!” said the man, finishing up the card. “I don’t know why my sister even bothers. Obviously she has a thin grasp on reality and is losing what few senses she may have once had. She ought to just accept facts and settle down to a peaceful, grumpy life.”

The old man was getting ready to throw away the packaging when he noticed that the newspaper wasn’t really packaging and even had some writing on it. He read it.

“Ungle? Ungle! What kind of smart aleck would call me an Ungle?” he mumbled, trying to keep a horrible smile from taking over his face. “Just goes to show my sister can’t even raise kids properly. No respect.”

The man noticed that the paper thing was a hat and thinking that this might be a good way to scare the dog he slipped it on.

“Boo!” he yelled at the dog, but the dog wasn’t afraid at all and even seemed to be wagging happily.

“Well, that was a bust.” He thought, reaching up to take off the hat. As he took off the hat he noticed that his head was getting cooler. Well, it was kind of cold outside. Maybe he should wear the hat a little longer, just to keep from catching a head cold or something awful.

The man went about his business with the floppy newspaper hat on his head, soon forgetting that it was even there.

Later, his wife came home. The dog growled and barked at her and she could tell that the man was about to grumble something too when she noticed the hat. A big smile lit up her face and she tried her hardest not to laugh, because the grumpy man didn’t like people laughing inside the house.

The big smile threw off the old man’s timing and concentration, he almost found himself smiling as well. Quickly composing himself he started to complain about something but instead all that came out was, “Ungle!”

It got very quiet. His wife looked at him, he looked at her, the dog looked at both of them. Surely something horrible was about to happen. And then all three of them busted up laughing, even the dog which was a surprise to everyone. The old man tried to fight back the silly grin and the laughter--because everyone knows it is a waste of energy--but each time he did they would all start laughing harder and louder.

Eventually, with tears in their eyes, he took off the hat and they managed to stop laughing.

After that day the man took the hat everywhere. He got out his business briefcase, emptied all of the boring business stuff from it and carried the hat inside so it didn’t get messed up.

He took the hat to the office and whenever there was a long, boring meeting he’d get out his briefcase all business-like and then put on the hat and yell Ungle!

Standing in a long line at the store, seeing everyone with bored or angry faces he’d pull out the hat and yell Ungle and they’d all cheer up, start talking, and were even sad when it was their turn to checkout and leave.

One day the man was away on business, walking down a busy street in New York City. He came to a corner and there was a large knot of people. Some had signs, some were police, some were in suits, and all of them were angry and yelling at each other.

The old version of the man would have really enjoyed being unhappy and angry with these people, just the kind of thing to get worked up about…whatever it was. The new version of the man knew what he had to do. He opened his briefcase, took out the tattered hat, slipped it on his head and got ready to cry “Ungle!”

At that moment a gust of wind came whooshing down the sides of a tall building and blew the hat right off of his head. The hat spiraled and twirled through the air and he waved his arms madly trying to catch it. The hat went flying and flopping through the angry knot of New Yorkers with the man right behind it.

A few people tried to grab the hat and a few even tried to grab the man. The hat flew through the crowd and out the other side into the busy New York street. The man was getting closer when another gust of wind pushed the hat onto the grill of a passing truck.

“No!” cried the man, out of breath and panting as he watched the truck disappear around the next corner. “My hat…”

It was gone. He turned to find that the angry knot of New Yorkers was just as angry and knotted as before. He walked back to his briefcase, head hung low. Then the man had a thought.

I don’t need the hat! It wasn’t the hat all this time, it was me! I have the inner power to change my world, to bring a smile to people’s faces, and to foster hope where there is none. I can do it! Me.

He faced the angry knot, took a deep breath, put a big smile on his face and yelled, “Ungle!”

There was a brief moment of silence, in the distance cab horns honked and jackhammers rattled, and then everyone went back to being angry. Someone walked by and dropped a quarter into his open briefcase.

“Ok, maybe it was the hat.”

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